Your Trugmakers Oct/Nov News

So, here we are again! Christmas fast approaching! I must have been in a time warp or something as it only seems just last week when I was crawling around in my attic stashing more tonnage of decs and xmas sundries than my roof joists were ever designed to withstand, suffering double vision and other symptoms of concussion after cracking my head on rafters and  being attacked by sabre toothed spiders wearing hoodies! Oh! and the icicle lights are still hanging from my guttering - no point in putting them away now. Just plug 'em in again!
Don't get me wrong, I adore christmas (or so the wife tells me), as I really can't remember most of them due to the partaking in the fruits of the vine, which traditionaly commences at 5:30 Christmas eve (15 minutes after my christmas shopping which commenced 30 minutes prior) and ending 12 days later

Last year, as so many of you left trug purchasing until the eleventh hour (I don't understand that!) it became necessary for me to go to work at 3:30 A.M. (seriously) in the two weeks approaching xmas. So, in an effort to avoid this repetition, I have been working even harder than usual, longer hours etc. Pleased with myself at achieving a stock of in excess of 110 trugs with still 5 weeks before mayhem, a Land Rover appeared and bought 100 trugs!!

Don't for one second think that I am being critical of my wife Jaqui (God forgive), as she is without doubt the best so far. Truly an angel on earth, Jaqui PhD (packaging and handling Dept.) handles all despatching of trugs and is incredibly efficient. On the extremely rare occasion that a customer fails to receive their trug the next day it is never her fault (well, she is a woman) it is always because the recipient was not at home (true). When she arrives at daybreak (4 hours after I started) she brings me some dry bread and oxo to eat while I am working (I have no chairs you see, except in Jaqui's office). Jaqui also handles all things pertaining to finance and business matters, justifiably, as I am to money what Bruce Forsyth is to break-dancing. It has to be said though, when her Credit Card was stolen, I asked the thief to keep it as he was spending less than Jaqui.

Jaqui and our three children, have always celebrated all festivals and special occasions with total dedication whether it be Christmas, Birthdays, Easter, or on this latest occasion, Halloween night. I have to admit though, I do not quite have their capacity for, nor equal enthusiasm to parteeeeee! Nevertheless, I always try to avoid being a party pooper so due to my amiable disposition, I appeared almost happy to become part of this latest celebration.
After their purchase of 95% of tesco's confectionary department, decorating the home exterior with screaming battery powered banshees, ghouls, artificial cobwebs, arachnids and offal, and an interior akin to a film set that would bestow a panic attack on Vincent Price, we were ready. If anyone reading this is averse to the  ritual of  'trick or treating', I can thoroughly reccomend this dedication to realism as a method of cessation of this silly celebration, as the once happy smiling angelic little children had my front door opened by the one eyed living dead with multiple axe lacerations and enough blood to keep A&E stocked for a month, they were terrorised sufficiently to require a minimum of 18 months therapy and guaranteed never to visit our doorstep again!
Anyway - at 9.30 after convincing a male or female member (not too sure which) of the social services it was all in the name of fun, my family and friends decided to pick up their weopons and prosthetic limbs and go for a pint at our local. Leaving home, neighbours assumed a remake of the 'Thriller' video was being made. Unbeknown to my tribe, the pub was holding a competition for the best Halloween costume - guess what? Your local truggie won a bottle of Champers as Beetlejuice! Hey - I'm starting to like Halloween. 
Although understandably I am as averse to after midnight noisy revellers as any other respectable trug maker, after two barrels of Harveys real ale and a bottle of champers, I have to shamefully admit to joining their ranks. Luckily, like most other towns and villages, there was a distinct lack of evening Police presence. I say lucky, but with hindsight, Police cells do have a bed, infinitely more comfortable than a night on a limestone bathroom floor (the wife was right again, we should have had underfloor heating!). In the morning (mid-day) being as bad as I felt was nothing compared to looking in the mirror - I had forgot to remove my make up - those poor kids!
Thank god for Sundays, soluble Paracetamol, vitimin C  and coffee!
November the fifth to look forward to next, hope to see Nov. 6th. Should I retain my freedom, I will update.

Jaqui looks like she's been through a famine -
 (I look like I caused it).

My Daughter Stevie asked me what a Tracheotomy was.

I know, I know - but Lori deserved it, she just won't keep her room tidy.